I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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