so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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