9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
