I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
