at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
