found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize