Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(541): View more from Oregon

Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.

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(760): View more from California

We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.

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(205): View more from Alabama

I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.

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(330): View more from Ohio

just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.

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(314): View more from Missouri

Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.

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(678): View more from Georgia

There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?

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(856): View more from New Jersey

It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.

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(302): View more from Delaware

I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night

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