First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
