Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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