i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
