my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
