I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
