38 yer olds are good kisserssss
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
