can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I have tasted many bathrooms
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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