Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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