weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I could fuck to npr.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
