Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize