champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
