This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
