whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
