dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
