YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
