i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
