So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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