This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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