so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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