i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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