The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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