You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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