Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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