I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
