Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Alive.
So much puke
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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