I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
