You really coming over, don't trick.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
