I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
