i used baking grease as lip gloss
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
