I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
wow bdsm is so cute
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