we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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