Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
