haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
