Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
