so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Randomize
