When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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