all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
