Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
