I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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