it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
