margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
