They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize