im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She's the barista slut.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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