i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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