I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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