Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
