I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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