Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
