either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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