don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
