he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
