I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize