I swear she didn't look like that last week.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
