i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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