the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
