my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
