I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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