cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
