omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
