Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
