RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
