a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize