their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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