sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
