Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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