if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
