there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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