I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
