First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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