She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
