I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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