Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
