i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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