I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
