i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
