I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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