this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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