i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
