At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
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