she was so not down for the gang bang
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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