were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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