trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
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