all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
