using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
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