he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You made out with two different species that night
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
